Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Carmageddon Mantra

Radiant motorists celebrated the divine mother of all public work projects -- building the longest carpool lane in the nation!  Such a project involved closing the 405 freeway for a ten-mile stretch between the 10 and 101 freeways.  CHP Officers had warned all beings everywhere that during the freeway closure, authorities would not tolerate pranksters.  Still, gentle skaters were cited for surfing the pavement, as were playful souls who threw a dinner party in the Trucks Only lane.  While ecstatic newly weds found the closed stretch of freeway a fine place to fornicate, the officers who ordered them to break it up did not.  However, no one seemed to mind the shimmering green June Beetle that crept along free of anxiety.  So, this is what they mean by free, the bug thought as it enjoyed an entire weekend of freeway travel without anxiety about being overtaken or squashed.  Mayor Villaraigosa thanked L.A. for staying off the road, but refused to apologize to uninformed San Diegans who drove up to L.A. precisely to experience the nightmare gridlock that L.A. usually has to offer.  Contrary to expectations, all remained quiet, other than the Mulholland Drive Bridge collapse that nearly smashed beloved work crews.  Carmageddon II revealed that all city dwellers can endure the rising dust of construction with gratitude and awe.  Commuters honored the holiness that permeates the Sepulveda Pass of the Santa Monica Mountains.  Beloved work crews filled potholes with divine silence, trimmed trees into formlessness, repaved the infinite expanse of southbound lanes that extend into vast reaches of outer space.  Now, those cruising the new stretch of carpool lane have a steady, regal sense of resting in a perfect spot.  This has proven California is more than prepared for Carmageddon III, when the region will agree to shut down the 405, the 10, and the 101 freeways all at once and just for the fun of it.  Coping with freeway closures is sure to become the hot, new extreme sport in Southern California.  Drive on, radiant motorists, drive on!

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