Three Months to Live

Daniel Castro is a day trader who sells futures contracts in Light Sweet Crude.

Daniel enjoys life with his wife—he finally won her heart ten years ago when he’d made enough to buy her The Ring she’d wanted—and his two small children—they’d finally been able to create them, after big help from the fertility clinic.

Though he’s got a trophy wife and chess-champion kids, what Daniel is most proud of is his Tax Break.

He pays 2 percent on all his profits. Only two percent! One. Two.

Unfortunately, yesterday, Dan went to see Doctor Hugo Blackman for a routine checkup.

Daniel received bad news.

Daniel Montgomery Castro has three months to live. Stage 5 cancer. Spread everywhere!

Still, Daniel Castro can’t help but remain proud of the fact that he only pays a two percent tax on his profits.

It won’t be easy to face the truth of his mortality, but Dan likes to think he has a good sense of humor about all this. When his doctor predicted his death, Dan said to Doctor Blackman, “Watch out, Doc. Death is coming to get you, too. It’s just a question of who goes first.” Daniel’s comment made the doctor twitch and chuckle and feel a little odd. Mister Castro was right. Doctor Blackman had been so consumed with thinking of everybody else’s mortality that he’d started believing he was somehow deathless.

So, Doctor Blackman gave himself an exam; consequently, he has put himself on a strict diet of eating only Local and Organic Greens. Perhaps he’ll live forever, and if not—the good Doc tells himself—that’s okay too.

As a last request, Daniel tells his wife to write on the tombstone:
“Daniel Montgomery Castro, rest his soul, paid lower taxes than his doctor.”