Fictionasana

In ancient times, lovers were united anatomically. People did not walk around in the erect manner that we do today, but they rolled around here, there, and everywhere fused to their beloved in a cozy embrace of happy unity. Say these fused lovers aspired to write fiction: they would turn tricks around a pile of oracle bones. If they didn’t display too much dizziness, they were admitted into the storytellers’ guild. The tribal chief chanted some prayers over their heads that we would think sounded like hip-hop lyrics in today’s idiom. Then people would go out and plow with their tongue. That is to say, they would tell stories in the marketplace and be thrown fruit and coins as payment if the audience liked the tale.

To pay homage to the tradition, the women in the Scribble Bitch Writers Group do a little exercise before each meeting. They do a yoga posture (or Asana) called “Simhasana.” In this posture, the legs are folded and crossed under the buttocks; the palms are placed on the knees with the fingers stretched and spread wide apart. Open the jaw wide and stretch the tongue out towards the chin as far as it will go. Concentrate the gaze on the tip of the nose. Hold the pose for 30 seconds breathing through the mouth.

According to B.K.S. Iyengar’s Light on Yoga, this posture cures foul breath and cleans the tongue. But the Scribble Bitch Writers Group likes to think it performs this posture with devotion and reverence for the ancient storytellers, also known as “those who plowed with their tongues.” This group of rogue scribblers have been tossed out of every tradition they’ve ever tried to join—if simply because they’ve been too flamboyant about revealing the darker feminine secrets. So, they’ve simply appropriated Simhasana for their writing discipline purposes and given it a new name: Fictionasana. Now if only they were really in love with one another, perhaps they could bring that eternal embrace back in style. But wouldn't it be a bit of a challenge to navigate a catwalk while ambulating in that roundabout motion?